what about rowdy?
three months ago i boarded an airplane with a one-way ticket to colorado with only a vague idea what might lay before me. all i really knew was that my mom had very suddenly become quite ill, and that i was headed out to be by her side for whatever might happen.
if you have been following my blog (which has been quiet for over a month now) you know that our shared experience over the course of august and september, was both a steep upward learning curve into the world of cancer and a steep downward curve in the health of my mother as a result of that cancer, which sadly came to a close with her death on the 30th of september.
my mom was only 67 years old. not old enough. too many years of life left in her. too active. too outgoing. too much of an adventuress. too many places yet to travel. too many stitches left to knit. too full of spirit. too anything and everything.
i get it. cancer. she is gone now and will be forever missed.
i have been remiss in my blogging, although i make no apologies and realize that everyone understands completely why i dropped off the internet. i have been coping with the death of my mother and also handling all of the affairs related to her passing. i have only arrived home in california less than a week ago, and still have matters to attend to in colorado- but i needed to come home for awhile. i am also aware that there are people with questions that i have been wanting to answer, and i am just now, over a month after my mother’s passing- ready to sit down here and reconnect.
because there is much to say, and the challenge of trying to get it all together to say it -has been reason enough to procrastinate this task. add to that, the spiraling sequences of what i can only describe as profoundly serendipitous moments… what other people might call: “meant-to-be” - “a sign” - “good omens” - “coincidences that defy believability” - (insert your definition here) these experiences are more challenging to record in written word and thus have been yet another reason to keep my fingers away from this keyboard. but this morning i will try, and in order to do so, i will need to break some of it into smaller more manageable pieces. the first one being the subject of my mother’s faithful companion Rowdy.
yes, rowdy found a new home. yes, he is happy and well-loved and now living in aspen.
the story goes like this:
when my mom realized that her condition was terminal, her first priority was to find a new home for rowdy. though some people felt it premature, i understood her position. she wanted what was best for her dog. a new home, a new ‘person’, an active lifestyle like the one he was accustomed to. she didn’t want to feel bad about not being able to provide him with that, and she didn’t want him to suffer - by being subjected to sitting at home alone while she was hospitalized- nor (had she been able to come home at all) sitting by her side wanting to go for a walk or hike or cross-country skiing or all the other adventures they enjoyed together.
so, i began to put out tiny feelers… hoping that perhaps a friend could take him, or someone local. despite a number of hopeful situations, nothing worked out. so i threw a larger net. i started posting the information on the internet, and asking people to spread the word. more hopeful calls and letters. more advice from well-meaning strangers. but much to my surprise and amusement was that i got as many calls and emails from people saying “hey, i really love australian shepherds, and although i can’t take your dog (i have 1, 2, 3, 5 of my own) i just want to help you find a home for him! they are such great dogs.“ of course, i appreciated those calls, but initially they led to nothing. until, on september 24th, i got this:
Hi
Can you please call me regarding the Aussie in the Aspen Times
970-925-xxxx
Thanks
Brenda
i had no idea what it was about, and as far as i knew there was no “aussie in the aspen times” that i was aware of. and, despite the fact that i abhor the telephone and avoid it like the plague- for some reason that afternoon driving home from the hospital in a bit of a sleep-derived daze- i called the number. as it turns out, somehow the ad for rowdy from the castor & polloux blog- which was the handiwork of a friend in carbondale- got picked up by the aspen paper as a courtesy. i have no idea who put it there (i still don’t). and, despite the fact that brenda (from the email) avoids the classifieds like i do the phone- she just so happened to pick up that paper and saw the photo of rowdy. much to my disappointment, at that point brenda was but another of the “hey, i really love australian shepherds” crowd and explained to me that she had a big beautiful male aussie named Taté, who was twelve, and quite healthy. she said she just felt compelled to call and help look for a home for rowdy. she had no idea what she was even doing with the paper “i don’t even read the aspen times and by all means i don’t read the classifieds!” … so i replied with: “hey, sure, let me know if you find anyone. thanks.” click.
so- meanwhile a week goes by, and on friday september 30th in the very wee hours of the morning, my mom passed away. by nightfall that evening i was home in palisade at my mom’s house and i received another email:
Hello Kelley,
Taté, Brenda’s dog, who I also took care of, suddenly died this morning.
She and I loved him tremendously.
Always wishing the best to your family.
Best Regards,
Mark
i didn’t know why this person “mark” was emailing me- he had no way to know that my mother had just passed. i assumed he was writing to let me know that brenda wouldn’t be helping find a home for rowdy. so i dismissed it and went back to coming to grips with the fact that my mother was gone. (and, yes, i will say more about that in another blog segment, but this entry is specific to rowdy). then i got another email from mark, and a phone call, asking if they could come and meet him. i am sure that both brenda (over the loss of her dog) and myself (over the loss of my mother) were both in similar states of shock. i don’t mean to compare the loss of a parent to the loss of a pet, but also don’t underestimate the profound impact the sudden loss of any companion can have upon a person. clearly, brenda was devastated. and, since i was sort of a walking zombie- i just said: “sure”. so they came down to palisade on saturday.
somewhere between that phone call and their arrival at my mom’s house the next day, i ran across rowdy’s paperwork that i had gotten out back in august so i could take him to visit her at st. mary’s hospital- what i hadn’t previously noticed was that rowdy’s birthday was also on september 30th. so…
my mom died, brenda’s dog died, and it was rowdy’s 11th birthday- all on the same day.
there is another piece to this very magical puzzle, but like i said- the profundity of serendipity that began to unfold on that day is hard to get down in words- so i will leave off here- and pick up this tale again later- and for now i will just tell you that rowdy went home with brenda- with both of us in tears of sadness, happiness, grief, and knowing ‘this’ was right. she lives alone with her dog and takes him everywhere she goes, just like my mom did. we have been in touch a few times and she says he’s happy, they’re hiking, he’s sleeping in her bed, and staying by her side. i feel like it’s a good fit.
this is brenda and taté:
i owe many thanks to the other people who stepped up with offers to take rowdy in the eleventh hour, and i apologize if anyone felt slighted by my failure to respond. please know that i was busy being with my mom until the very end of her life and i am only just now able to start retelling some of the information and replying to the huge amount of correspondence i’ve received since her passing.
Dear friends and family,
If you knew my mom, you probably know that she was a fairly private person who did not like to have a lot of attention directed her way. Since we had the opportunity to talk about her wishes regarding the public acknowledgement of her passing- when that time came- she expressed very clearly what she did and did not want to have happen after her death.
She requested that her body be cremated, and that all of the fanfare and ‘excess’ that is common in our culture be kept to a minimum. She explicitly did not want to have a formal memorial service, any religious rituals, and certainly did not want to have any type of gathering at a funeral home. I reminded her that her many friends and family would want to celebrate her life, of course, and she said “oh, ok, i guess that would be alright, but please don’t make a big deal about it.”
So, here’s what we’re doing to celebrate her life and acknowledge her passing:
Saturday, October 8 from 1 to 4 pm
We will be having a casual get-together at the Riverbend park in Palisade. Our cousin Reid Black will lead an informal remembrance, after which there will be a potluck, for those who wish to join us. We have reserved the western pavillion (on the right as you look towards the river) and will provide some chairs as well.
We welcome any of her friends, neighbors and fellowship to come and share memories, thoughts and love for Elizabeth Weldon.
In lieu of flowers, we would like to request that donations be made to:
The Western Colorado Center for the Arts: 1803 N. 7th St. Grand Junction, CO 81501
The Mansfield Art Center: 700 Marion Ave. Mansfield, Ohio 44906
Please feel free to forward this information to any of my mom’s friends that may want to attend.
Many thanks to my sister Tracy, and my mom’s friend Sanna, for organizing this event.
Thank you for your support,
~kelley~
(below is a map as well as a link to the google map to the location, if you are not familiar. please notice that you must be on the south-side frontage road in order to get to Logan Street)
link to google map: click here
Biography
Elizabeth S. Weldon, age 67, of Palisade, passed away Friday, September 30, 2011.
Daughter to William and Helen Weldon, she was born on June 20, 1944. She grew up in Mansfield, Ohio and later attended college at University of Wisconsin at Madison, where she graduated with a degree in fine art.
Betsy, as she was known to friends, will be missed by friends from her hometown, college, and also Steamboat Springs where she lived for over a decade. She also leaves behind a community fellowship of 23 years that her family is very grateful to- for the gift of serenity, courage, and wisdom as well as many deep friendships.
She was an accomplished multi-disciplinary artist, knitter, gardener, and talented cook. Elizabeth could often be found traveling back roads in her VW bus, hand-painted with petroglyphs, accompanied by her trusty Australian Shepherd, Rowdy. She spent many years exploring the mountains, deserts, and canyonlands by foot or cross-country skis, and paddling rivers in her canoe or rafting with dear friends. She much preferred a tent to a hotel and a meal cooked over a campfire to one prepared by a chef.
Family
Elizabeth is survived by her two daughters, Tracy DiPaola of Grand Junction and Kelley Richardson of Santa Cruz, CA; as well six grandchildren and one great-granddaughter. Isabelle, Lillian, and Francesca of Grand Junction, and Jorden, Hunter, Mackenzie, and Jade of Santa Cruz.
An intrinsic part of her daughter’s and all of her grandchildren’s lives both locally and in California, for over twenty years she has been the quintessential “Grandma”. She was a crafter of countless hand-knit sweaters, homemade dolls, crazy quilts, hand-repaired furniture, detailed cooking instructions, moral support, and a ready ear for both teenaged and adult woes. Always a proud mother, full of unconditional love, she was called away much too soon and will be deeply missed by friends and family.
Service Information
A memorial service for Elizabeth will be held Saturday, October 8 at the Riverbend Park in Palisade from 1-4pm.
Memorial Contributions
In lieu of flowers, the family is requesting that donations be made to:
The Western Colorado Center for the Arts: 1803 N. 7th St. Grand Junction, CO 81501
The Mansfield Art Center: 700 Marion Ave. Mansfield, Ohio 44906
thank you mary ann.
i’m as “ok” as i can be, i guess. the grief comes in waves, and being here at my mom’s house- with the time and space to process this is making for a very healing and cathartic experience. i know i did exactly what i needed to do, i know i was ‘complete’ with her, and that my mom felt loved, cared for, and respected until her final hour- knowing all of that is what makes this bearable. i am eternally grateful for all the love and support from her many friends. she was a well-loved human being…
my mom passed away last night;
peacefully, and knowing she was loved.
thank you for all your words of encouragement and support.
i will post more information, and the specifics of her memorial- as soon as i am able.
so. we are still at st. mary’s hospital.
we will be staying here.
right now my mom is peaceful and resting. she has had her favorite nurse on duty all day long, and the doctors have granted her wish to be left alone- no more medical intervention, except to manage her pain, and - at my mom’s request, there will be no visitors here. thank you for understanding.
i will write a more involved explanation later of what and how this has so suddenly come undone- but right now i am busy holding my mom’s hand.
we are in the last days.
~♥~
thank you mary ann.
so. when you have plasma cell leukemia, (or whatever kind of cancer probably- or whatever kind of extreme illness probably )when the doctors, the nurses, the radiologists, or insert “any-of-the-countless-medical-staff-titles-here” examine you and you are in pain- they ask you some questions. they ask the same questions over and over again (pretty much) anytime you are being examined or any time you have a new complaint, symptom, or pain. “where does it hurt?” “can you show me?” “on a scale of 1 to 10: with 10 being the worst. what number is this pain?” “does it radiate down from there are is it just right there?” “is it a stabbing pain? burning pain? throbbing pain?” “does it hurt when i do this?” “how about this?”
now. let me first say: do not interpret anything i say on here during this experience as a lack of appreciation for the medical staff or more specifically any “bashing” or real criticism. i am simply venting, processing, stressing, and working through the frustration and helplessness of seeing my mother in excruciating pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it- except press a call button for her when she can’t. there are certainly some people who seem more empathetic, attentive, and conscientious than others- but i’m sure that goes without saying.
i mentioned in a previous post that the particularly rare form of cancer my mom has- is one of the most painful. over-simplified, the cancer in her bone-marrow (myeloma) degrades your bones until they (i quote:) “look like they’ve been eaten away at by moths”. the cancer is also circulating throughout her bloodstream (leukemia)… i guess that makes you hurt all over. at this point, i’m sure that is a severe understatement.
my mom has consistently been on pretty significant pain meds this entire time, so it’s odd to watch the dialogue between the medical person asking the questions- and my mom- who is totally, and completely under the influence of pain medication… “how’s your pain today?” and i kinda want to say “um, you mean with that 25 micro fentanyl patch and the dilaudid she’s taking every hour, two hours, (or every half hour today)?”
early in august, she suffered two broken ribs, likely caused by just rolling over in bed. last night’s trip to the emergency room and subsequent xrays- have revealed a fracture in her pelvis (that’s the extent of the explanation i’ve been given).
so. we are at st.mary’s- and i started this entry two and half hours ago…. things are not good today. my mom is in severe pain, they have just started an IV of pain meds- which will be the first time. i am here with her. i am holding her hand- i am doing my best to talk her through the breathing techniques i first learned when having babies, and now practice during yoga. inhale, exhale, don’t fight it, relax, let it go. i am going to truncate this post now, or it will never get posted.
thank you mary ann. my mom is just starting to nap, and i’m going to try and get an update on here while she rests.
september 28, 2o11 3:ooam
after spending an informative hour with my mom and her new (fabulous-so far) therapist from hospice this morning, i walked over to the palisade grille and picked up a couple of burgers with fries (no bun) for lunch. at my mom’s request i rolled her out on the front lawn of the rehab center, where we sat with my dogs, ate our lunches, and enjoyed an hour or so in the cool shade of the big tree outside her window.
ten hours later i was woken up with a telephone call from the head nurse explaining that my mom had been experiencing relentless and unbearable pain in her hip and no amount of morphine they were giving her was having any effect whatsoever. she would be taken to the emergency room directly.
so, out of bed, down to palisade i went, and followed the ambulance into grand junction. after about fifteen minutes of -what i cannot make words for at this hour- they accessed her chest port with some direct, intravenous pain meds and she is feeling a bit better. i am now waiting (not so patiently) while they have her off at xray to determine if there’s any new ‘damage’ that might be to blame. she already has an appointment for a PET scan later today (her first). maybe *that* will be revealing, rough night.
in more domestic and non-medical news:
rowdy is back with me now, and is adjusting to living with the two big princess-sharks mike and i call “dogs”. i am getting lot’s of leads but nothing that has worked out as of yet. i had a sweet blind couple from denver who were very interested and a couple of other city-dwellers, who i have turned down. (i am afraid that that environment would be so alien, that he would become a barking-hazard, which would be a bummer for the new owner). i still have my fingers crossed for a gal who is a friend of a friend, but who lives near vail, and can’t come meet him for another week or so. please keep spreading the word! i’ve also had a surprising number of calls and emails both from well-meaning “i know i can help you find a new home for him!“ and “i just love aussies so much i want to take him, but can’t have another dog” so far - (honestly, i’ve had eight to ten emails or phone calls like this- i appreciate them, but nothing has come of any thus far.
however, my partner mike, has a friend (also named mike) in carbondale. that mike- in addition to being an all-around good guy, founder of the breck epic bike race, and marketing guru for backbone media (meaning, he’s pretty well-connected) managed to get rowdy featured on a fancy-pants-delicious-organic-dog-food-company’s blog, which then led (i guess) to him being featured in the aspen times! so, hopefully something will work out. i am very grateful to mike mccormack for going out of his way to help find a home for rowdy.
back on the home front- my one of my mom’s friends has been a life-saver in the water-works department over here. shawn, who owns high desert pedi-cab in palisade- who is a fellow bike-lover, dog-lover, and super-helpful-all-around-generous guy has come over repeatedly to help fix things that break around the house. we had a sprinkler system flooding problem (twice) which he has repaired, and last friday (on his day off) came over and spent his entire morning putting a stop to the leak in the faucet in my mom’s bathroom (multiple trips to the store when you are out in the country= time-vaccuum!) back in august he was also taking rowdy for walks for me when i was at the hospital constantly. i cannot thank him enough. (thank you shawn!! and linda who has been generous with her rent-a-husband!)
and… yesterday my mom had a nice visit with another friend/family-member (what do you call the family of your ex-husband who you still feel like is your family?) ruth vodehnal, who is another cancer survivor. she was the first person to jump on the “i have GOT to have one of those shirts!” train.
that’s it for now. chemotherapy this afternoon again. eep.
all weekend long, i kept thinking i’d get a blog posted. it didn’t happen. so, now this is overdue and i’ve got a lot to report- so i’m going to break it into two- more bite-sized pieces. for those folks that don’t have time to read a novel every time i post- i apologize.
mom is doing ok. not awesome. she started her third series of chemotherapy on thursday, which finally included the revlimid we’ve been waiting for. which isn’t making her feel too great. she’s also been on and off of oxygen for the past week, which hasn’t been necessary since she was at st. mary’s. no solid explanation from anybody about what the underlying cause is (um. cancer?), but her levels go right back up when they supplement, so it helps.
we also posed some pretty direct questions to the oncologist when we were there- and spent nearly an hour just discussing her case and asking a LOT of questions. a couple of the questions were: “will betsy ever actually be a candidate for a stem-cell transplant?” based on her age and other factors; she is very close to not qualifying for such difficult procedure. while this is far too complex to write up here- there are three ‘places’ they can get ‘new’ bone marrow:
next question: “if she does become a candidate for transplantation, what will that offer her: better ‘quality of life’? ‘longer life?’ ‘how much longer?’ these may seem like strange questions, but evidently bone marrow transplantation is a very painful procedure and if it doesn’t offer something significant in terms of improvement: one way or another, it may not be something my mom chooses to pursue.
anyhow- the oncologist also answered the question of: “have you ever treated a plasma cell leukemia patient before?” with “no, this is my first.” which i asked, out of curiosity because despite the fact that i am certainly no doctor- i have been finding some discrepancies between what i’ve been studying about this disease and it’s treatment, and what is being told to my mom. that being said, i do think she is a good, solid doctor- it’s just that PCL is so extremely rare, that most doctors will not have had a case of it in their charge. she also explained that she has a team of other hematological “experts” that she is consulting with, and deferred the majority of our questions about stem cell transplantation to the doctor who performs that procedure. so we have an appointment with him in mid-october.
we also talked a lot about pain management, which has become more challenging to deal with, and when (and if) we can expect the now-combined chemotherapy drugs to actually help her feel better. for that, we got (the usual) vague answer…. “it depends on this and that, et cetera”.
what else? the food has only gotten worse in palisade. if you are planning to visit- please feel free to arrange it around a meal time and call to see if you might bring a healthy salad (no cheese, no croutons, dressing on the side) or some other yummy thing to eat. (if you are unsure about her diet restrictions, please email me- i’d be happy to explain). i have been bringing occasional salads from her garden, yesterday baked her some gluten-free brownies with almonds (that i fear i over-cooked, but it’s hard to ruin a brownie, right?) and awhile back i even roasted some potatoes for her out of the garden! yum!
on the up side- she is more and more mobile. up, walking the length of the hall with a walker, and getting a work-out almost daily in physical therapy. yesterday we went for a ‘ride’ in the wheelchair around the block…. fresh air and sunshine= good. (if you are visiting and she seems to be feeling ok- ask her if she wants to go outside!!)
this morning, the physical/occupational therapy team are coming out to the house to “assess it” and give recommendations on what they think is necessary to make mom’s house more suitable for her in a “less-ambulatory-than-she-previously-was-and-may-continue-in-that-direction” state. my mom has opted not to go to the extent that would make the house wheelchair friendly- which it certainly is not, but would also require some very extensive remodeling involving the widening of doorways and whatnot. (for the record: she is not really using the wheelchair anymore, unless she is going to need to go a good distance or stand for more than a few minutes at a stretch). she is, however, opting to take out her regular bathtub and put in a walk-in shower with appropriate grab-bars and whatnot, as well as adding handrails and other support devices throughout the house. she is also re-building the deck that goes to the back door, as it is too small to be safe in it’s current size and shape.
having just completed the gutting and remodeling of an entire house in california (mike and i bought a foreclosure in need of an extreme makeover two years ago) i am, at the very least, frustrated with the lack of available: quality and timely contractors in the valley. despite lot’s of recommendations of, and even a handful of visits to- the property- by general contractors, bathroom remodel “specialists”, and some others… i am still trying to bleed hard numbers and bottom line estimates out of most of them! (save one: “the tile meister”: who was quick with a bid but actually refuses to do tile and tried for a half hour to convince me that pre-made acrylic panels are the nicest thing you can do to upgrade your bathroom! then he gave me a bid that was close to what we paid back home for a total bathroom overhaul, including extensive moving of plumbing, tile-everything, grohe fixtures AND a heated floor! *sheesh!*). i am holding my breath that the contractor that my ex and hired a million years ago to help us build our house on the lake in fruita- comes through. he is a good man, with an extensive reputation for quality, who i trust is honest: so… fingers are crossed.
anyhow… that’s this morning, plus a furniture pick-up by heirlooms for hospice (at my mom’s request) so she has room for her lazy-boy when she comes home, and then an appointment with her oncologist, dr. virginia tjan-wettstein, this afternoon.
i managed to get her phone working again yesterday (though i’m not entirely sure how). at any rate: it works now. you can also call her house number if you don’t reach her, and leave a message. her ‘social coordinator’ and close friend elise, texted me to check-in when she couldn’t reach my mom, which was good because her phone hadn’t been working for at least a day and a half before we realized it!
